When ‘forever’ means Forever…

July 18, 2008 at 8:55 pm (Reflections)

When ‘forever’ means Forever…
It then turns into a lifetime, then – a year, a few months. Then – a night.
A night of my life is all I have to give you, my sweet boy. Because I gave out my “forever”, and my lifetime; I gave out my year, and the last few months I’ve been in this long-distance relationship, that’s never gonna work in ways that make me Me.
You’ve seen Me more than many. There, in Roseland or in Hawthorne Theatre; there driven by the wild current of a metal song; there I’d be gushing myself inside out, dancing, screaming “Bye-bye Beautiful” or “Shamandalie” and “Graven Image”; there I’d be crying like a little child in the darkness of the concert-hall, hiding my sobbing in the melody.

But I am content that way – aren’t you? You’ve got your sweet girl down in Texas, waiting for you, hoping. And all I’ve got’s a suitcase and my dreams. “One day I will…” you know, but not today. Because I’m too young. “You’re fuckin’ 19 years old and you’re on a movie set, what more do you want?” That’s probably the biggest compliment anyone ever gave me. And he didn’t even realize it, the poor bastard. He was a loser, like all of them, miei uomini, he never saw Me. Years later, he still hasn’t, with all his Italian finesse, he never got to see Me the way you do, my boy, my stranger in the night. And you will never know, and we both are content that way, for all I have to give you is just one night of my life. When ‘Forever’ means forever, and it’s taken, battered, thrown away, when ‘Forever’ has just died in my very arms, just this past winter… I started living for the night. For a couple of moments. For that single moment of ecstasy, when galaxies are born, when I’m feeling my body too small to contain Me…

18 April 2008

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