Really, it was just a job interview. It felt like a first. They always feel like a first. She was so nervous, so passionate about this job. It was the dream job she’s been hoping for ever since day one in this town.
Just when whatever small piece left of her heart was ready to explode, she thought of another excitement to add to her life. An excitement, not necessarily a positive one. A date. And then her rational mind just started listing them all – all the losses, that she never really found the time or reason to grieve for, and the other losses, the unreal ones, that she was already grieving for… all the injustice in the world – how some people have it real easy in life – financially, or just because they happened to be born in the “right” family. Well, that’s stupid – she knew it, yet it felt that way so many times… All the anger that you eventually learn to let go of.
I guess that’s how you feel when you “unroot” yourself from your “forest”, and go out chasing the wind. But catching the wind is not enough, really, because sometimes you get caught up in achieving the perfection you yearned for, and you forget why you even started – to have fun, no? To see what life has to offer? To take the bull by the horns, but not be afraid to fall, to climb again, to fall again, to climb again…
No, everything had to be final in her life. Final decisions, final choices – what’s done is done, no second chances…. Why was it so hard to accept that there are second chances in life?
Well, maybe because in reality you almost never get a second chance. When you die, you don’t come back from the dead. Well, Jesus did, they teach you, but hey, you ain’t Jesus, and neither is the loser you used to date up until a few months ago. People don’t come back. Dead people stay dead. Which is why you try so hard not to screw it up the first time around. Remember K-Pax? “So you better get it right this time around, because this time is all you have!”
05 June 2009