Happy endings/beginnings and miracles

April 21, 2013 at 3:26 am (Reflections)

I tried crying tonight. It hurt too much. I’ve become so intolerant to pain, to that sickness in my stomach. There’s been too much and too little going on in my life at the same time. There’s been too much of these fairy tale endings (beginnings?), the hopes of them, blind faith, forcing itself onto me, because, frankly, do I have a choice to not have it?

Something to believe in, eh, Jon? In a world that gives you nothing, I need something to believe in…

All these fairy tale endings that seem to be happening to everyone, in every other story. Or are these the ones I hear about? Is this why I was always such a sucker for tragedy?

Your feet are grounded still, you’re reaching for the sky. Don’t let them clip your wings, cuz I believe that you can fly!

I have someone to thank today. A friend. For choosing one of these miraculous endings/beginnings of an era, for trusting God-knows-what in his gut, for taking action, perhaps taking a stand against his own self. For making a really stupid decision. For making me think about all the really stupid decisions I never made, but could have. For making me wonder if he’s really truly deeply happy with it. I’ll ask him someday, make no mistake, but not now. A coward like me needs to know. Coward? Nah, a businessman! “Was it worth it,” would be my question, although I think I would know the answer.

And yet, I feel some uneasiness in my stomach. As if something ominous will happen, as if I somehow know that reality will find a way to manifest itself and shatter this happy ending, turning it into miserable agony. I pray that it disappears, this feeling. Not just covered in oblivion, I want it gone. I want to believe in your happy ending/beginning, friend! For me! Make it work. Please. Then maybe I will dare trust in my stupid decisions again! God knows I have a couple lined up, waiting for the word to be spoken. Some waiting for years.

Gonna take a miracle to save you this time, and your savior has just left town. It ain’t all for nothing, life ain’t written in the sand. I know the tide is coming, but it’s time we made a stand, with a miracle!


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